Saturday, July 26, 2014

Thoughts on Motherhood

I've been working on being a better mother lately.

I've often wondered what my children's first memories will be...and so I've been trying to be a mother that plays, a mother that listens, a mother who is more attentive, a mother who is more responsive.  I don't want my children's first memories to be of me frustrated with them or upset over something that they did.

My daughter currently has an ear infection and she needs to take antibiotics.  She hates taking the medicine and screams every time I try to give it to her.  It is a struggle every time.  Part of me wants to stop giving it to her because it makes her so upset, but I know that even though she hates it now, in the the long run it will hopefully make her feel better.  After the medicine is done I take Olivia in my arms and comfort her.  I don't like to see my children suffer but I know that certain things are for their good even though at the time it is uncomfortable or miserable.  It gives me an insight into our Heavenly Father's love.  He watches as we go through certain trials in our lives.  How grateful I am for His love and how much I still have to learn from Him.

My babies are growing up so fast. 

Malachi is in such a wonderful stage of toddler-hood.  He is talking (getting a new word almost every day), learning, exploring, imagining.  It is so fun to see his mind at work.  And I get to witness it every day.  I feel so blessed to be able to stay home with my children (even though finances are so tight).  I can't imagine having them in day care and missing all the new growth that happens every day (even though I know some families need to have children in day care...).  He loves music.  If we happen to have the television on and there is music, he will stop what he is doing to look and listen.  He doesn't care about the t.v. otherwise (which makes me happy!).  Oh, how I love him.

Olivia is in such a fun stage of babyhood.  She is starting to sit up on her own.  She is interested in everything(!) around her and wants to be involved with playing with Malachi, even though she still needs help.  She loves standing and will lock her knees if I try to have her sit when she doesn't want to.  Or she will stick her bum out, arch her back, and lock her knees so I can't have her sit.  She is constantly "talking" and grunting and my family thinks she is trying to go to the bathroom, which she isn't, she just likes making lots of noise.  If things are going on around her she wants to be involved.  She doesn't like being left out of anything.  She sleeps through the night, sometimes going 8 hours without eating.  The smiles!  Oh, how she smiles.   When she is happy she is really happy and when she is sad, watch out because she is really sad.  She will stick out her little lower lip in the cutest, saddest pout and cry.  Boy, can my girl cry! She also laughs!  Mostly she laughs at Malachi playing with her.  It is so cute.

All of this growth makes me realize how blessed I am to be their mother.  I (and Jesse) have the wonderful opportunity to be there to teach, nurture, discipline, and love.  I love them so much that some days it hurts and I don't even understand how I could even love them so deeply.  I watch them play and realize that I have the sacred responsibility of teaching them and raising them.  I'm afraid of failing them, of not being the mother that Heavenly Father wants me to be and my children need me to be.  I am very hard on my self sometimes when it comes to motherhood.  I often compare myself to other mothers and feel like I am lacking and not quite measuring up.  When both my babies are crying and both want to be held at the same time, but not together on my lap, I often lose my temper and get frustrated with them-- it is times like those that I feel lacking.  Like I disappoint my children.  I don't want them to remember me like that, so I strive to do better, to apologize when that happens. 

I pray so earnestly that I will live up to this sacred responsibility of motherhood. As I watch my children I often wish I could freeze time by scooping them up, running away, and never letting them grow up, but I know growth is part of the plan and so I try to do the best I can to make the most of the hands-on time I have been given with them.  "Time flies on wings on lightening" and all too soon, my children will be youth, teenagers, and then adults and my son and daughter will no longer be under my direct care.  I want to teach them and love them and help them grow. 
 
I know I will never be the "perfect" mother, but I hope with Heavenly Father's help I will be the best mother I can be for my children.  I hope my children know, despite my imperfectness as a mother, that I love them.  That at the end of the day, month, or year that I love them.  That I will never stop loving them.  That is my wish.

Monday, April 14, 2014

March 2014

Our little bathing beauty!  (The doctor said this is called a fencing reflex, but I think she's really posing for the picture!)  This was taken on March 11, 2014 when Olivia was two months and 1 day old.

Sweet babies.  Taken on March 11th as well.  Olivia had just turned two months the day before and Malachi turned 21 months the day after, on the 12th.

Cute!
I love her little smile.
March 12, 2014- Mali's 21 month birthday.
I adore this photo.
I think he's bending down to scratch his leg.  Sweetness. 

Being silly.

Olivia's little "hat".  We put that over her to shade her eyes from the light, but she started smiling so I took a photo.  (Two months and two days old).  Olivia started smiling around 7 weeks old.  She also started following us with her eyes that week as well.

For the first two months of her life Olivia was super fussy since she had thrush and a really bad diaper rash as a result.  Plus she had the blocked tear ducts.  She was miserable and cried a lot.  Life has gotten a lot better now.  We switched diaper brands and finally got rid of the thrush and the antibiotics (which were making her stomach upset) moved out of her system.  Her tear ducts are getting better (as I said in an earlier post).  She smiles so often now! 



Mali after eating a s'more.  He loved it.

Silly boy.  He loves posing and smiling for photos.

I love my sweet babies!

Olivia's blessing

Olivia was blessed on March 9, 2013. It was a wonderful day.
My mother made Olivia's dress and it was/is beautiful!
My parents came down for her blessing and it was great to have them there.

Of course I cried during the blessing which Jesse gave her.



So beautiful!


Olivia in the middle of sneezing... (I tried to turn the photos around but wasn't able to so just turn your head to the side to  look at them.)




We are so blessed to have Olivia in our family.  We love her to bits.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Mali!

This one was taken on January 11, 2013 (the day after Olivia was born).  Mali loves playing with the little hammer he has in his hand.  I love how inventive he is with toys.  I love his profile too- His sweet cheeks and his little chin and hands.
January 12, 2013- Mali is 19 months!  My mom said Mali wasn't very cooperative with picture taking, so this was one of the better ones.

His unhappiness with the picture taking!  He really wants the camera.

On his way to visit us in the hospital the Sunday after Olivia was born.


 I love this photo!!  He is so happy!

His messy hair.
"Nap time for Mali cat, nap time for him!"
Our sleepy pooks.  He loves that down comforter.

Mali at 19 months old.  He has very good hand eye coordination- he loves playing with little toys.  He has a Thomas the train set that he loves playing with as well as blocks and tools such as a hammer, screwdriver, wrench, etc.  He likes to copy whatever Jesse is doing!
He also has a long attention span- if there is something he likes playing with he will play with it for up to an hour or more.
He doesn't have many words yet, but he does say:
::  da da and dad (for Jesse)
::  hi (every time somebody walks into a room.  His face lights up and big "hi!" comes out!)
::  dip dip- he loves to dip his food into "dips" such as milk, yogurt, ketchup, french onion dip, etc.
::  nah nah nah (which is his word for more)
::  baby (referring to Olivia)
::  lub (love)
::  Pop pop (our cat, Popeye)
::  Hannah (my parent's dog)
::  He doesn't say mom or ma ma (he used to until I weaned him). :(

I love our sweet Pooks and I'm so grateful to be his mother.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Mali and Olivia

This was taken in March 2014 when my parent's came to Kentucky for Olivia's blessing.  I adore this! He looks so grown up here.

Mali often walks with his hands behind his back and my mom just happened to capture this.  His expression is so cute.
Our little O!  I just kiss those round cheeks all day!

A hint of a smile...  Olivia had blocked tear ducts when she was born and as a result her eyes were constantly watering and goopy.  I tried as best I could to keep her eyes clean, but she developed a rash to the side of her right eye from the tears always sitting there.  The duct in that eye has since opened (thankfully!) and the rash is gone.  I can tell she feels a lot better.  Her left eye is still blocked, but I'm massaging it so hopefully it will open soon.
Back when Mali was 6 months old I started teaching him some sign language.  One of the signs I taught him was the sign for "more"- it has now become his favorite sign.  Here he is giving the more sign.  When he does the sign he makes a sound "nah nah nah", which is his "word" for more.  In this photo he is saying "more" and also signing it.  So cute!

I can't believe how blessed I am to be the mother of these two sweet children and to call them my own.  They are growing up so quickly- Mali is 22 months old today and Olivia turned three months old two days ago (on the 10th).  I love how Mali places both of his hands on each of my cheeks and turns my face to his so he can give me a kiss.  I love the smiles I get from Olivia when she wakes up from her naps.  I love them to the moon and back...times eternity.

Sick babies

My babies have been sick the past few weeks.  They both had colds for a while and then their runny noses seemed to clear up but they still have the cough now.  Night time is especially bad since Mali will wake up coughing, then start crying and Olivia will hear him and she'll start coughing and crying.  I had asked the pediatrician if there is anything to give infants for coughing and they said there wasn't, but suggested I use honey for Mali.  I tried it with him and he would only take maybe a 1/4 tsp- which didn't help at all.  I read online that fresh pineapple juice can help with coughs.  We bought some and on the nights when he drank some before bed, it seemed to help.  I thought the coughing might have something to do with allergies/change in the weather, but the pediatrician said infants/young children don't get allergies....so I guess that's not it!

I am visiting my parents this week and thankfully my mom is willing to rock Olivia if she wakes up during the night so I can get a little rest.  Olivia doesn't sleep very well laying flat on her back in the crib, so I put some quilts under the mattress to try and tilt it up and it seems to be helping a little bit.  She still wakes up struggling to breath though.  Mali has little bags under his eyes he is so tired.

I wish I could do something to help them!  I feel so bad when they get sick.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Olivia!

January 9, 2014- These were taken the night we went into the hospital so I could be induced for Olivia's birth.  The last photo as an actual family of three.  Mali wasn't quite sure what was happening, but he knew something was up as we were finishing up packing, etc.

Look how big I am- a week past my due date!

I love, love this photograph!  My sweet Mali- his first view of new life as he came to the hospital for the first time after Olivia was born.  He looks entranced by what he is seeing.

Olivia Rose the day after her birth!  In all her roundness.

Sleeping girl

I love this photo and the rosiness and roundness of her cheeks!

She seems to be saying- "What is happening here?"

"Oh, the light is so bright in my eyes."

Grocery shopping with Mali

 These were taken in January 2014- Mali and my parents and sister went grocery shopping while Jesse and I were in the hospital with Olivia.  These were taken at Meijer.

 The story goes that my sister wanted to put her sunglasses on Mali and he didn't want to wear them.  She said his grandma (my mom) would take a picture of him with them on so he agreed to keep them on and he smiled.  Then he wanted to see the picture right away and was just thrilled!  Seriously, he's the cutest boy I've ever known, but I know I'm biased.
 Mali often falls asleep in the car on the way to anywhere.  He fell asleep on this particular trip so my parents and sister transferred him to a grocery cart and he just stayed asleep as they wheeled around!

My sleepy little guy!
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