Motherhood

(32 weeks pregnant)

Motherhood is on my mind quite a lot these days. This Mother's day will be unique in that it will be the only one in my life that I am almost a mother but not quite yet...

A little over a year ago, in February 2011, I received a diagnosis from a doctor that would possibly result in me having trouble bearing children. I remember sitting with my parents after the doctor visit and just crying. The thing I most wanted in my life was to be a mother. I was trying to do everything right- why would it possibly be denied me? At the time, Jesse and I had not been on our first date. Little did I know that less than a year later, I would be pregnant. It came quickly. Jesse knew I might have trouble having children, and he was fine with it. He said we could explore other options if we couldn't have our own children and for that I was grateful, but deep down I still wanted a biological baby of our own.

As a result, pending motherhood has me thinking about a lot of things.
Some of them obvious such as, "will our baby boy have irresistibly chubby cheeks?" or "will he have long eyelashes like his dad?"

Yet, deep down, other questions and thoughts tug at my heart as well. Hopes and dreams for our baby...

I need to teach our boy to know the love of his Heavenly Father and savior, Jesus Christ and how to help him feel when the Holy Ghost is whispering to his heart and mind.
I need to teach him to honor the priesthood and to honor womanhood.
I need to teach him how to honor his sacred ordinances and covenants.
And hopefully being an example of, kindness, charity, compassion, reverence, humility, adventure, and curiosity, he will learn these things also.
I need to teach him how to pray and read scriptures.
How to love life.
How to not be afraid of change.

I recently read a quote by Gordon B. Hinckley (source):
"You are the bearers of the children. You are they who nurture them and establish within them the habits of their lives. No other work reaches so close to divinity as does the nurturing of the sons and daughters of God."

No other work reaches so close to divinity. Men, even though they hold the priesthood, are not as close to divinity as mothers. That's a big responsibility. Mothers, who nurture their children, are as close to divine as you can get, without being God. What a great responsibility mothers have.

I know time goes quickly. I know that this babe that I am now carrying will one day grow up and hopefully marry and have children of his own. But I don't want to think about that right now because it will make me cry. I want to be the best mother that I can be for him in the moment.

Yes, this pregnancy has been difficult in some ways- I was pretty sick for the first trimester and I've been swollen and itchy and famished lately. But, I love feeling our baby move inside of me. I love feeling his kicks and somersaults. All in all, this has been more wonderful that I imagined.

I'm grateful to my own mom for raising me the way she did. I'm grateful that she taught me what motherhood is all about and for being patient with me when I wasn't easy to be patient with. I'm grateful she taught me to love the gospel and to pray and gain a testimony for myself.

I'm grateful to Jesse's mom for raising a man who knows what it means to honor the priesthood and respect womanhood and with a desire to be a father. I'm grateful that she let him be his own person. And even though they have gone through some trials as a family, I'm grateful for the love she showed and the strength she had. I'm grateful she taught him to love the scriptures and how to cook and sew and do laundry.

How very grateful I am for the opportunity to be a mother- I hope I can live up to this divine responsibility.

And now two quotes that I love about motherhood:

"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else." Russell M. Ballard

“You have nothing in this world more precious than your children. When you grow old, when your hair turns white and your body grows weary, when you are prone to sit in a rocker and meditate on the things of your life, nothing will be so important as the question of how your children have turned out ... Do not trade your birthright as a mother for some bauble of passing value ... The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days.” Gordon B. Hinckley

Happy Mother's Day!