I know this is two posts in once day and I probably shouldn't be writing this this late at night when I should be in bed. I don't really care if people read this or not. I just need to vent somewhere and this is as good a place as any.
Some days I hate life. I'm tired of feeling alone all the time. I'm tired of not having a job that I love that is close to my major. I'm tired of being stuck in a singles branch when I want to be married. I'm tired of messing things up with people that I love. Somedays I just want to crawl in a hole and sleep for years and not have to interact with people. I think others would be so much better off without me around messing things up.
Also, I hate my body. Did you know that? If not, then now you do. I know things could be horrible. I could be disfigured or be in a wheelchair or be missing a limb, but I still hate it. I want to be skinny and beautiful and dainty. Like, oh, I don't know...somebody other than me. Sometimes I just want to crawl under a blanket and cry. I look at other females in my branch and feel so ugly compared to them. And it's not that I haven't tried exercising and watching what I eat, I have. But then I realize that the results will never be what I want them to be and I give up.
I feel like I don't "fit in" in life. Sometimes I think that I was born in the wrong time period. I don't feel like I'm making a difference and if I were to leave people wouldn't really even notice that I'm gone.
I should just be happy with what I am and have and most of the time I am. But days like today, I just feel sad. I don't want or need advice either. I know what I need to do to be happy...giving service, reading my scriptures, praying, going to the temple. I know that...blah, blah, blah. Somedays I just feel sad and alone and need to write it down. Don't judge me.