Monday, October 19, 2009

Winter Must be Cold for Those With no Warm Memories

I have been thinking about this quote (below) by President Monson a lot lately.

"If we live only for tomorrow, we’ll have a lot of empty yesterdays today."

Sometimes, I feel like I am living in the future. That I'm not making use of the time that I have here, now. I'm dreaming of some future event or great life solution rather than being happy with what I have right now. I am being acted upon rather than acting. I don't like this but I'm not exactly sure how to change.

I think part of my problem is that I procrastinate. I need to stop putting off those things that are important and do them now. I spend too much time doing things, that in the end, won't really matter that much. I need help. I feel like I'm standing in my own way of progress and it frustrates me. I mess things up despite my efforts. I'm in a rut and I hate this feeling.

Also, I've been thinking about change and impact. Am I really making an impact in the world? Am I being the change that I wish to see? I'm not so sure I am. I want to be consistant in my service to others but I think my frailities stand in the way. Those times that I wasn't quite good enough, or didn't do it exactly the right way come back and haunt me and prevent me from acting when I really should. In these cases, I do nothing since I'm afraid of messing up again and making the same mistakes. This shouldn't be the case.

"A mansion on a hill or love like in the movies, perfect little world where no one has a problem. Instead of all these things I thought I really wanted, I've been given what I need."

I have, I just need to recognize it and stop dreaming of those things I really want.


Anonymous said...

Serving others can be a great way to get out of a rut. I have friends who volunteer at hospitals, nursing homes, etc. They enjoy it a lot. Good luck getting back into the present.

susette said...

okay. now don't laugh. but relient k really does have some very poignant songs. i pretty much lived on their "mmhmm..." album because it spoke to me and where i was at the time the released it and actually, it helped me a lot. the song that i immediately thought of when reading your post was "be my escape". here are a few lyrics from the beginning of the song (sorry it is a little long):

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

you're on the right path! you recognize where you are and where you want to be, and you know the way to get there. it is hard to change. i've found myself slipping into that rut, especially now i'm working a full time job and money is tight. i use those things as excuses for not doing anything...but i shouldn't. let us both work together to get outside this accidental rut and show service to others to get out of it!

hugs and loves to you!

Natasha and Jesse said...

Sam- Thanks! Great ideas to get out of my rut.

Susette- Thanks for the lyrics. I'll have to find the song on youtube so I can listen to it too. We'll work on it together!

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