Saturday, June 9, 2012

An update

(I'm apologizing ahead of time if this post sounds jumbled or not coherent...)

About the middle of May I started having really bad swelling in my hands and feet. I mentioned it at my doctor's appointment on May 21st and the doctor took some blood and asked me to come in on Friday, May 25th to follow up. When I went in on the 25th, she said that the blood work came back with elevated liver levels, I also had some protein in my urine, and high blood pressure. She gave me the diagnosis of pre-eclampsia.

At the Friday appointment, Jesse and I knew there was a slight possibility that I might be admitted to the hospital but we had still semi-planned on going to my parent's house for Memorial day weekend. The doctor decided to admit me to the hospital to lower my blood pressure. She vaguely talked about inducing me. At the time I was 34 weeks. Being in the hospital helped my swelling go down so I came home from the hospital with instructions to be on bed rest....only a shower every other day, no work, cooking, cleaning, or laundry, etc.

Since then we have been to several doctor appointments and had several ultrasounds to measure how our baby is doing.

I had an appointment this past Monday (June 4th) and my blood pressure was back up. The doctor wanted to induce me then but I really wanted to wait until 37 weeks. She told me to come back in on Thursday (the 7th) for an ultrasound. On the night of the 6th, Jesse gave me a blessing which was definitely a comfort and we got everything ready in case the doctor sent us straight over to the hospital.

We went to the ultrasound on Thursday and the technician watched the baby for practice breaths, movement, etc. and he only scored a 6/8. The doctor wasn't happy, but my blood pressure was back down which was good. She then told us to come back in the next day (Friday the 8th) for another ultrasound and she would make a decision then about what to do. They also took blood on Thursday. Jesse and I knew that both the baby and I would have to score perfectly (me on blood pressure and him on his breathing, etc) in order for us not to be induced. On Friday, the baby passed his test and my blood pressure was down, but my blood results came back again with elevated liver levels which the doctor wasn't too happy about. She asked us what we wanted to do...I looked at Jesse and he said what ever she (the doctor) thought was best...

The doctor said I'm a ticking time bomb...and said she had planned to send us straight over to the hospital for an induction yesterday, but couldn't remember what time our appointment was.

So the plan right now is that we check into the hospital on Wednesday evening June 13th for an induction. I have another ultrasound and appointment this coming Monday.

My birth plan has gone straight out the window. I didn't want to be induced, I didn't want an epidural (which I will probably end up getting since pitocin contractions are much worse) and I wanted to wait until 40 weeks to deliver.

But, you know what? The baby will be fine. He will be a little over three weeks early and right now he's measuring about 5 pounds 9 ounces, but he'll be fine. And in the end we will have our sweet boy! I just have to remember that and not focus in the parts that aren't going as planned.

I've been an emotional wreck and cried almost every day this week wondering whether there was something I/we could have done that could have prevented this and questioning the decision to be induced. I know my high blood pressure is not really going away and I don't want to put our baby in danger by keeping him inside, but at the same time I want him to develop as much as he can inside since I know the most brain development happens during the last several weeks.

And yes, I might be a little dramatic (and I'm sure it's partly hormones) but as I was crying one night I told Jesse that I didn't want something to happen to our baby because of a decision I/we made that caused him to have trouble and maybe not live. And, Jesse, the wonderful husband that he is, mentioned that even if our baby boy takes just one breath, at least he came here and got the body that he needed and we will have the opportunity to be able to raise him again. Which of course, caused me to cry even more. But how grateful I am for the gospel and the knowledge that we have.

I was crying in bed this morning and Jesse turned and held me and being the wise husband that he is said to me: "You can't second guess yourself, it'll just eat you up. You have to make the best decision and just go with it." So right now our and the doctor's decision is for me to be induced on Wednesday.

I know things will be fine, but if you remember, keep us in your prayers, okay?

(I haven't been blogging because we don't have internet at our apartment, but I decided it would be alright to come to my sister's apartment (she lives just across the street) so I could update everybody).

Oh, and I've been knitting, watching lots of movies, and reading on bed rest.

Poor Jesse told me on Friday that it feels like he's been having a heart attack for the past two weeks because of all the stress from the doctor appointments, ultrasounds, and wondering whether "today" would be the day that I would be induced. I'm so, so thankful for his love and support as well as the love of my family and friends. Thank you!
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